Hostage

LOVE, It whispers softly to me "come and play", as it teases me,

The root of all my pain and yet the source of all my joy. I want it so bad, I need it now,

I can smell it, so close, my mouth waters in anticipation, yet so far, it eludes me yet again.

But this is simply the story of my life,,,me and the hunt for love.

Its an ongoing sequel that takes me inside the deepest depths of my own soul.

It's an illusive luxury, that has the power to drag me past the heights of the highest mountains, 

Past the depths of the deepest seas, Twice, and still...

It's that dream that make me scream out at night, sweating and scared,

That maybe, just maybe...

It's that prayer, I pray, that I have prayed, morning, noon and night,

that continues to go unanswered...

To you, who will not love me, but continues to drain my soul,

Why?

There's this darkness in me, it gets darker and darker each time I miss,

Each time I try and fail, It weighs me down, making it harder to get back up

It overwhelms my soul, and tortures my spirit, as it holds my heart hostage,

                                                     The price for my release...LOVE.

Hot or Cold?

" Everytime I turn around I find my heart in pieces on the floor"

              This use to be my song for a long time, Till that last time I turned around and saw my heart in pieces on the floor yet again, that day I said,"To hell with that, I'm gonna leave it right there" and that was that, I turned around and walked away, without a heart.

               Then you came along and saw that I had indeed left my heart scattered in pieces on the floor and you picked them up and gave it back to me, hesitantly I took it back, So here I was, back to square one, vunerable, again. I looked to you like water on parched land, You replenished me, You made me smile, You made me happy to be alive, You lit a fire within me that was fueled by your attention, You built my confidence, and for once in my life I felt worthy to be happy, I felt like I deserved to smile.

             
                    Father Time ofcourse, has a lot more power than we believe, Time has the power to heal as well as to hurt, Time can strengthen and also wear down. Once time gets involved things can go either way. In my case time caused that fire I had to loose its warmth, loose its pretty, orange glow,  it began to die, slowly but surely. Ever so often I'd fan it,my attempt to keep it burning, but I get so tired of fanning fires, where is the fuel that caused it to light in the first place, But this time I protected myself, am too old to be spinning in mud, So secretly I did not put my heart back where it belongs, O no, I put it on my top shelf where I knew it would be safe.

So here I stand, fan in hand, wondering if I should just let the fire die, or should I fan it, but for how long, or should I wait to see what Father Time can do, even after he let it die down, maybe father Time will get some more fuel to revive it which I hope cause honestly I am afraid that tis fire dies out completely, cause then I'd be cold all over again.