Grahame (because I had to)

I remember the very first time we met in person as if it happened today (I wish)
I remember the feelings I felt while I waited for you, I remember the very first time I saw You.
I remember the very first time I looked into your beautiful eyes,
And it was at that moment I knew You were very special,
It was at that very moment I loved You, and I haven't stopped since then.

     When I saw you approaching me at the mall that day, I was scared, I was tempted to run, not only because I suddenly wondered what the hell am I doing,,,but, mostly because you were so not my type, in fact, you were completely opposite, but for some reason, as you took the last few steps toward me, I caught your eyes, and its your eyes Gray, they compelled me to stay! I had never looked into eyes like yours...I saw strength, secrets, hurts, pain, but glorious passion. You have the most beautiful and mesmerising eyes I have ever gazed into and above everything, I miss looking into your eyes the most. When You looked at me I felt naked, I felt revealed, I felt open, uncovered and exposed, I felt like You gazed at my soul, You saw through my facade, You were real. and You saw the real Chenelle, and Nobody, not a single soul has ever and probably will ever see what your eyes saw.
    With you from day one I felt comfortable, and relaxed, but, I was also very in awe of you, I was completely enthralled by everything about you, and what made matters worse...I was recovering from a bout of emotional trauma, and the window dressing my very vulnerable self usually hid behind, was useless against you, So most times I was always like a fish out of water around You. It was You who saw Chenelle and coaxed Chenelle to come out, It was You who made Chenelle feel safe to step forward, made Chenelle feel safe to Shine. Chenelle came out for You!
    When You left, whether she pushed you away or not, Your absence left her suddenly exposed, suddenly insecure, suddenly scared, and needing of the safety and security your presence brought. Chenelle was in a tailspin, and had been for a complete year. For a complete year she was utterly depressed, she lived in denial, and regret, self pity, self hate...The facade she had long buried, was now fighting to re-emerge, This semblance hated this vulnerable Chenelle or atleast everything it has to do to hide, numb, and paralyze Chenelle and her feelings, just to protect her, because Chenelle just couldn't get over you, Chenelle was just too heartbroken to live without You Gray, I tried so hard to get up but sometimes even breathing was a challenge. So after a complete year Chenelle decided to take comfort once again behind that Front which was stronger, almost heartless, almost merciless, almost the complete opposite to who Chenelle really is.
    Only problem now, is that Chenelle missed being the front runner more than she missed you, Now, anything else but Chenelle doesn't even feel good, Chenelle could no longer be contented to take the backseat, She had grown to love herself, she wanted to be Chenelle all the time,,, she wanted people to know Chenelle, its like Chenelle had grown so much in her time outside that she just could not fit back there anymore, even if she wanted, it just was impossible, she longed for another taste, so as much as she was scared to be outside without you Gray, it suddenly became Necessary, as much as she felt to die, I had to live, as much as she cried I had to smile. So Chenelle re-emerged and this time I burnt that bridge that lead back to anything that didn't represent Who I truly am.
    So now I, Chenelle, has re-emerged with out You as my safety net, I am forced to be strong on my own, I am forced to shine on my own, I am forced to protect myself because there is none to do so for me... and that's a good thing, No, a great thing, I have found a strength I never knew I possessed, I have found a new love and respect for myself, I have a new hope in myself, my purpose and what I have the ability to accomplish, I look forward to showing the world Me and what I can bring to the table. And yes I still miss You Gray every single minute of every single day, I still long for you, your touch, your smell, your lips ( I mean your smile ;), and I still love you, probably even more than I ever did love You before, because I really wouldn't want to be where ever I would be without your imprint in my life, So as painful as it was to actually accept you're gone especially under the particular circumstance, I can never regret meeting You, I can never, ever regret loving you, I only regret hurting you and it haunts me and hurts me now that I can't even get a chance to make it up to you, to make it right, It hurts that I can't look into your eyes anymore, I can't see you smile anymore, see you do your stupid little dance with your back anymore, smell your head, pick your pimples, hear you bitch, watch you cook in your undies...Damn!!! I Miss you Alot, BUT now my future looks like it could be as incredible as you were...and that eases the grief, and gives me something to look forward to, something to work toward, something to redirect my time, energy and passion into.

Long and Short...You are by far the best person I have known, You have done more for me in your absence than anyone's presence could ever do...and I Love You Forever for this...So from the depths of my soul I Thank you and I Bless You...mwah!!!